What not to say to someone with anxiety

anxiety Mar 05, 2021

So I'm sitting in this psychiatrist’s office.

And sharing some thoughts I’ve been having and he turns to me and says...

"Well that's an unhelpful thought, just don't think like that."

Example of “What not to say to someone with anxiety”


If you're more of a visual person and want to hear me talk about this on video, you can watch here:


I'd been struggling with intense anxiety, lots of self negative thoughts, and pretty crippling depression.

I was in his office because attempts to "just not think like that" or "pull it together" hadn't worked.

If I’m honest, things had gotten pretty bad.

And I’m sitting with that man, struggled with an intense desire to just lie and tell him I did all the things he asked me to do last time.

Seriously, I just wanted those appointments to be over.

I wanted to hide.

I wanted to stay quiet.

I kept having this thought it was just me and I just needed to stop it.

Stop being anxious.

Stop overreacting.

Stop being down.

Maybe you have had a similar experience.

Someone in mental health services minimizing your experiences or telling you the equivalent of “get over it”.

Another example of what not to say to someone with anxiety.

And that unhelpful person could be a family member or a friend.

When someone used to support me in that way, I’d just want to pull back from them or try to appear better than I actually was.

Sometimes when we do this, we even convince ourselves. We think “its not that bad” and “I can just push through it.”

But we can’t let minimizers stop us from getting the support and improvements we deserve.

I had to really look at my life and ask these questions..

"Is Anxiety restricting my life?"

"Is Anxiety affecting my important relationships?"

"Is Anxiety affecting my ability to do the things that are important to me?"

"Is my life more stressful and scary, than enjoyable and rewarding?"

Back then my answer to all of these was a resounding YES,

And I knew I needed to stop trying to hide how bad it was and find someone who could actually help me.

I get it, It's hard to look at how bad it has gotten.

It cost me my job.

It was negatively affecting all my relationships, and made life felt unbearable.

I could have just continued to struggle on, avoiding looking at how bad it had gotten.

I’m actually so glad I took at test to rate my severity. It was such an important wake up call for me.

Plain as day I could see things need to change.

Maybe you feel like your life isn't quite bad enough, or you are at the other end and can't see it getting any worse.

The thing is, if you are going to retake your life from anxiety, you are going to need to acknowledge the problem.

And right now,

you need to know that the problem isn't you.

It's the process you use to manage your anxiety.

I have to say the great news is when you do this and commit to a new process, your life can transform.

I'm so often blown away by how different I am now.

That I can run a business that helps so many people, that I can care for (not only myself) but my lovely little boy and my awesomely fluffy dog Momo.

That I can have moments of joy and excitement and meaning in my life.

The thing is, I never thought that would be possible for me.

That I could love my life, like I do now.

The first step was getting a clear picture of how bad things were.

How much anxiety was restricting and limiting my life.

You can do that right now by taking our “How anxious are you?” Quiz.

This step of bravery gets you started on your way to getting free from the anxiety in your life.

I know your life can be more enjoyable and rewarding than it is now.

You don't have to minimise your experience with me.

I get how bad it can get...

And I also know something else.

How much it can improve and change with the right support.

So what are waiting for?

Take the quiz now.


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